On mens issues

This post is hard for me to talk about. I don’t know what to say. I guess a lot of it will be rambly. I’m not well versed in the subject of mens issues. Not really. I mean, I’ve read really ridiculous MRA stuff, but I’m not talking about the ridiculous stuff. I know men have got real issues too, with the pressure to be “real men” etc. and I don’t know much about it.

It’s hard to learn about it too, because a lot of the MRA sites say things that I consider well… ridiculous, or at the very least hostile. I wonder if this is how a number of men feel when reading feminist blogs? There’s so much passion and fury which is good I think, because those sort of things fuel movements, but they’re really off-putting for people who aren’t in that circle already I guess. I’m not saying people should modify their writing the the benefit of people not in their movements. I don’t know what I’m saying…
These things can be so messy and so hard.

I want to support mens issues. I want to support things like movember (despite the fact that the people who run that charity apparently take huge sums of the money. I don’t support that.) because if men aren’t going to the doctors due to social conditioning and it’s causing men a slew of problems… well… that’s terrible isn’t it? Those sorts of things need to be fixed.

N’at the same time I have so many issues when talking to a male friend who is invested in mens issues (I think he reads this blog too. If you’re reading this Mr. Stags, please don’t take what I’m saying as a personal attack. I think you’re an intelligent compassionate man who has dealt with a lot, and tries to think about the world. That you put so much thought and effort into your speech, and your views is great.)
Part of it has to do because we don’t understand each others worlds I guess.
We went to a meet up today. Before I invited some guys along there were only girls at these meet-ups and all the invitations were addressed to ladies, generally they still are. He compared it to that brotherhood thing I wrote about awhile back. He was saying that the use of the word ladies made him feel excluded from the event and like an outsider in the same way that a PM saying “welcome to the brotherhood” made me feel excluded. Initially I started defending the “ladies” thing, but ultimately I think he was/is right. Gender neutral wording should apply there and the wording shouldn’t exclude him just ’cause women are predominately involved in this hobby.
Same as I don’t like gaming things that use words which exclude women. Men might account for the majority of players (though I think that’s contested since casual gaming has gotten big) but that’s no excuse to use language excluding the women who do play.
So there are times when he enlightens me.

But other times it can be so frustrating, because the things he’s saying that hurt men are simultaneously things which hurt women. Like today he was talking at our fashion related event that it’s hard for men to find extravagant and varied fashions, and it’s something that women don’t consider. (Before trying to get some male friends into the fashion, and helping them find outfits and outfit bits it honestly was something I hadn’t considered. Getting stylish mens clothing for this particular aesthetic is much harder then finding womens clothing.)
But - and this is I imagine very dismissive - I don’t think that men not being able to find fashionable clothes seems like such a high priority thing. I hate that this friend of mine feels excluded in this group partially because of the ladies thing, and partially because it’s based around a fashion that it can be hard to find things for - but…
Men not having extravagant fashions in my mind comes from the idea that men aren’t seen as ornaments only good for their looks. Something that negatively affects him also negatively affects so many women. It’s at these moments we have real clashes.

Like he’ll say something that affects him/men negatively, and I’ll point out that that thing serves to affect women negatively and I’ll be told I don’t get it, and I just don’t get mens issues - when it seems to me at the same time he doesn’t get womens issues.
So messy. Communication errors are easy in this sort of thing.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite. (A selfish reason to be interested in mens issues, but hey. Lets be honest here.)
I want to understand.
But I also want to be understood.

I don’t know if here was the place to place this rant. But here it is. The short of it.

1. I do think men have real issues, and because I don’t live as a man don’t know what they are.
2. I also think we live in a patriarchy, and I live as a woman. I care about womens issues more then mens issues.
3. I wish I could reconcile those two points.

This whole thing ignores outrageous antiwoman/antifeminist things that can be found in mens issues communities. - I guess I wish we could all get along, but that’s just wishful thinking I guess.

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