“Personal responsibility? What personal responsibility?”

I feel like I need a disclaimer on this one - my feminism might not be your feminism. The personal might be less political to you, or you might think that making any choice is a feminist choice if only the choice is freely made. If you do, that’s your perogative.

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A few weeks ago I found my way to some yahoo question thing, asked by someone decidedly anti-feminist whether marrying a feminist would be hard work. There was a chosen answer there; the answer that the asker decided answered their question in the best way: Basically it said yes, marrying a feminist would be hard work.

There was a thread of people commenting and answering the question. At one point the original question asker revealed his own bias by commenting that he thought a relationship with a feminist would be hard work, because feminists seem to blame society and patriarchy for everything, and because the patriarchy is blamed for everything, feminists don’t ever have to worry about personal responsibility.

I have a bit of a problem with this idea, and I’m certain the lad who said it, isn’t the only person who holds such views, so I’ve decided that today I’m going to write about blaming the patriarchy vs. personal responsibility.

Feminists hold the patriarchy responsible for oppression against women. When a feminist is blaming the patriarchy, they’re saying that there exists a system which is set up to benefit men at the expense of women. When they blame (for example) the objectification of women on the patriarchy they are blaming the systems that allow women to be objectified. There are a number of systems and industries which aid the objectification of women, by men. The sex industry in particular presents women as sexual objects for men. A society that dishes out pressure to women for not being physically attractive promotes the objectification of women, by men. Movies that show women as sexually attractive before any other personal characteristic promote the sexual objectification of women, by men.
Systems which promote oppression of women by men, or objectification of women by men, are blamed for the oppression and objectification of women.

Just like we aim not to blame a victim of rape for her rape, we aim not to blame victims of oppression for their oppression. The aim is to blame the rapist, not the victim. Blame the patriarchy for things that degrade/oppress women. Don’t blame the woman who is being degraded or oppressed. (This thing about not blaming victims goes for as far as I know all people who are victims: Blame white supremacy for things that degrade/oppress people of colour, do not blame the person of colour who is being degraded/oppressed.)

So: The patriarchy is being blamed for oppression of women, because patriarchy is a system (or set of systems?) designed to benefit men, at the expense of women.

Doe blaming the patriarchy somehow give feminists a magical “get out of personal responsibility free card?”
Well for one thing – feminists don’t blame everything on the patriarchy. They’re not going to blame personal things like say, someone being forgetful on the patriarchy. They’re not going to blame a whole number of personal problems on the patriarchy, unless all the personal problems in question somehow have something to do with benefits given to men at the expense of women, or systems that oppress women. The idea that feminists blame everything in life on the patriarchy is just plain silly.
For another thing – You can only say that feminism is allowing women to shirk personal responsibility, if you think women personally are to blame for sexism against women, by men. Do you really think that? Really?

The idea that feminists shirk personal responsibility seems just silly when you think of the feminist slogan “The personal is the political.” Which I’ll just talk about here for a bit. (Paraphrasing largely from Rebecca Whisnant’s paper - “Not Your Father’s Playboy, Not Your Mother’s Feminist Movement: Contemporary Feminism in a Porn Culture”)

The personal is political because things that have happened in my life such as rape, and dating manipulative men, are not things that are unique to me. The personal is the political because when we find out what’s happening in the personal lives of many women, we learn how women are being treated as a class.
The rape of one woman might seem insignificant, but when you combine this detail from this one woman’s personal life, with the instances where other women have been raped, you realize that it’s a significant problem.
One woman getting an unfair share of housework because her partner thinks it’s “women’s work” doesn’t seem like a whole lot. Sure the guys a jerk, but so what? If you relate it to a bunch of other women’s stories, you start to realize it’s a wider spread phenomenon, and actually a political issue.

The idea of the personal being political allows women as a group to speak out about subjects relating to sex marriage, relationships, laundry, and more. It brings the day to day experience of many women into the realm of politics. That’s why “the personal is political” is an important idea in relation to feminism.

At the same time, if the personal is political, then feminists cannot afford to be without personal responsibility. If their personal lives and their personal actions really do reflect the state of women as a collective group, then it’s in the best interests of feminists to oppose patriarchy in their personal actions and in their personal lives.
In recognizing that the personal is political, we recognize the wider implications of our personal actions. The personal action of buying a blatantly misogynist magazine helps fund the magazine, which is promoting misogyny.
Dressing up like sex kittens promotes people to treat us as sexual objects, rather then people, which helps promote the objectification of women.

Our personal choices have consequences, we know this!

If our personal choices and personal lives did not have consequences, then we wouldn’t have the slogan “The personal is political.”

Summing this all up simply:

1. Feminists blame the patriarchy for the promotion of men and the subjugation of women, because the patriarchy promotes men, and subjugates women.
2. We only blame the patriarchy for things involving the subjugation of women and the promotion of men. We don’t blame every facet of our personal lives on the patriarchy.
3. While we blame patriarchy for the subjugation of women, and the promotion of men, as feminists it’s out goal to resist (and hopefully eliminate) patriarchy.
4. Because our personal actions help the resistance of patriarchy, our personal actions are important.
5. We are responsible for our personal actions (Though our actions may be impeded, or restricted by patriarchy. Our choices may be limited ones.)
6. If we are responsible for our personal actions, and our personal actions are our responsibility, then our personal responsibility is important.

So: feminists have personal responsibility. Actually, this personal responsibility is an important part of fighting patriarchy.